Home > Uganda > On Being Female and Having a Sex-drive

The following are real sentences that have been lobbed at me by partners:

You are abnormal.

But you also you can’t you wait for your man to make a move?

You chick you’re a nympho!

Don’t you think you might be a sex addict?

Don’t you get tired? How do you think being like that makes me feel?

Why masturbate? Aren’t I enough?!?

All because a chick likes chau.

Even pop music which is usually about love and sex rarely acknowledges the female’s libido. Even when it is women singing, they are generally speaking of their sex lives in context of a particular partner, usually a man.

The majority of men I have met exhibit a lot of enthusiasm when I tell them (around the second date) that if we do get physical, I am going to need sex, and a lot of it, and often. They express incredible delight and then by month two are feeling annoyed, saying things about me turning intimacy into a chore and all that. When I suggest switching things up, some of them be like “Me I don’t do such things. I am African. Are we in a movie?” There is just no winning.

Look world, there is no shame in a woman having a high sex drive. Yes I know you are still on that plot of pretending that this drive doesn’t even exist, clinging desperately to the idea that women naturally hate and fear sex.

My personal experience makes me absolutely agree with this line from Rabies, a short story on Jalada. It reads: “My dear girl, when Allah created humans, he had ten pieces of desire in His hand. He gave nine pieces to women and only one piece to men.”

Read the entire story here: Rabies by Idza Luhumyo.

Are you a woman with a high sex drive? Has that in any way impacted your short and long term relationships?

Are you a woman who sleeps with women? Do your relationships have the same dominance-submission issues surrounding libido?

Are you in a relationship? How do you healthily navigate sex talk, and libidos in your relationship?

Can a relationship survive if the partners aren’t matched as far as libido?

I have a lot of questions. Start or join the discussion.


Mildred Apenyo is a writer with a gyming problem. In addition to contributing to a number of Ugandan publications, she runs a women’s strength and fitness initiative called Fitclique256. She’s reasonably Googleable.


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